Today: Twice-Exceptional and Self-Esteem

Hey, look everyone, this is me!

It might be you too!

Twice-exceptional, in a lump, is an educational term used to refer to children who are deemed to be of above average intelligence, but also neuroatypical in some way.

I was so excited to learn about this-

-I ran across the term on Tumblr-

-because I didn’t know this existed as a concept.

‘Bright but not trying hard enough.’ It was often on my report cards, and I would be looked at with disappointment, because I was so ‘gifted and talented’.

And I’ve carried that with me as an adult, except now it’s ammunition for my doubts and self loathing. How could I ever have been considered bright or to have had any potential and be where I am in life? That’s just some joke! It’s a mistake!

But combine ‘twice exceptional’ with imposter syndrome and we have a recipe for someone believing that they never were any good, and never could be any good, and they tricked anyone who believed that they were any good.

And it’s just another reminder that so much of what I think is bad about me is inside my own head.

Today, I was late for my volunteer gig.

My brain’s interpretation: OMG YOU HORRIBLE IRRESPONSIBLE PERSON HOW DARE YOU BE LATE.

My supervisor: Oh, you’re fitting right in, and you stayed late, don’t even worry about it, it happens. 😀

I’m just going to assume anything that I think is horrible of me is actually not a big deal until told otherwise, because I cut myself no slack. I need to cut myself slack, or I’ll break. 

Other than that, today, I felt pretty good about myself.

Gee, thanks, mood stabilizing drugs!

Ending thought of the day:

Deep inhale. Think of the ocean at night. Remember that somewhere inside is the possibility of clarity and glory.

J.

 

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